Thanks to my friend Brian Stoffers, Global President, Debt and Structured Finance at CBRE (and The Wall Street Journal) for this very interesting read. Not everyone is comfortable with networking. In fact, I believe it's an over-used term. However, many times, the start of a relationship begins at a networking event or during the official (or unofficial) networking time at an industry event. The most important part of meeting someone for the first time, if you determine it's someone you want to stay in touch with, is to follow up with them and then stay in touch, in a meaningful way.
The research is clear: People don’t mix at mixers,
and don’t feel good about trying. But there are better ways to make meaningful
connections
A significant body of research demonstrates that
networking—making and strengthening connections to others—is vitally important
for professional success. But there’s a problem: Most of us hate doing it. We
dread the awkward small talk with strangers at a noisy cocktail party, the
pressure to deliver our “elevator pitch” and to “work the room. “There are
better ways to make these important connections, but it has to start with a
clear understanding of what’s wrong with the usual mode of corporate networking
and why we dislike it so much.
The fact is, such activities strike many of us as
insincere and manipulative, even slightly unethical. A 2014 study published in
Administrative Science Quarterly found that just thinking about job related
networking made most people “feel dirty.” The researchers asked 306 adults to
remember a time when they had made a professional contact, either for career
advancement or for personal reasons. Both groups were then asked to do a
word-completion task that is used to gauge subconscious feelings. Those who
recalled a contact intended to advance their careers were significantly more
likely to have subconscious thoughts of feeling morally tainted. The
researchers got similar results when they tested memories of online networking.
One study found that just thinking about
job-related networking made most people “feel dirty. “One result of this
revulsion is that most of us don’t actually make many new contacts at
networking events. In a widely discussed experiment, two professors at Columbia
Business School held a gathering in 2007 for some 100 students in the executive
M.B.A. program, all of them outfitted with electronic tags to track with whom
they interacted and for how long. Even though almost all of the executives said
that they wanted to attend such events to build new business ties, it turned
out that they spent, on average; around half their time in conversation with
people they already knew. As the study’s authors put it, people just don’t mix
at mixers.
But networking doesn’t have to follow these stale
formulas. In fact, it’s more likely to succeed in making meaningful connections
if the activity isn’t so relentlessly focused on acquiring new business
contacts. Herewith some tips: Spend more time reconnecting with friends than
meeting new people. Since most of us are more likely to engage with people we
already know than with strangers at networking events, skip such gatherings
altogether and invest that time in renewing older contacts.
A wealth of research suggests that your less cultivated
business acquaintances, or “weak ties,” have more information, opportunities
and potential introductions to share with you than either your close contacts
or total strangers. Seek out shared activities instead of unstructured events.
The Columbia study suggests that we don’t really make good use of freewheeling
social events with strangers. A productive alternative is to focus on an
activity. The entrepreneur and author Jon Levy has built a strong network by
hosting dinner parties with a twist: When guests arrive, they’re told not to
share their names and occupations and are given assignments for preparing the
group’s dinner.
Conference organizer Jayson Gaignard takes a
similar approach with activities such as mountain biking or jeep tours. Ask
better questions. If you’re stuck attending a traditional networking event, try
to go beyond the standard opener of “what do you do?” when you encounter
strangers. Instead ask questions such as “What excites you right now” or “What
are you looking forward to?” Or else give them a chance to talk about
themselves: “What’s the most important thing I should know about you?” Or be
more playful, “Who’s your favorite superhero? “What makes most networking so
unpleasant is the feeling that it’s all instrumental, a way for us to use other
people to get ahead. So instead try a better approach: greet all those
strangers as actual human beings.
This essay is adapted from Mr. Burkus’s new book,
“Friend of a Friend: Understanding The Hidden Networks That Can Transform Your
Life and Career.”
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| Fletcher Park, Fletcher, NC |
